


Heart of the Matter

by jensenacklesruinedmylife



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cas asks Sam for Dean's Hand in Marriage, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Destiel - Freeform, Doctor Castiel (Supernatural), Doctor Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26834335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensenacklesruinedmylife/pseuds/jensenacklesruinedmylife
Summary: Destiel AU.Cas plans a proposal. Dean has a bad day. Things do not go as planned. Angst ensues.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 125





	Heart of the Matter

"I want to ask Dean to marry me."

Sam Winchester almost spits out the coffee he’s sipping, manages to swallow it down before it gets all over his computer and paperwork.

"I'm sorry, you want to _what!?_ "

"I said, I want to ask—."

"Yeah, I heard you, Cas, I just... What?"

Cas squints. "Should I repeat myself a third time?"

"Oh my – no, Cas, just –," Sam pauses to take a breath. He smiles, then shuts his laptop and motions toward the couch. "Here, sit down."

Sam steps away from his desk, leaving the coffee cup there to sit on the loveseat against the far wall of the small office. Cas follows, sitting down next to him.

"When you said you needed to come to the firm and speak to me, I thought you were in some sort of legal trouble," Sam chuckles, shaking his head. "I should have known."

"Well, I know how much Dean values tradition, and since your parents are deceased, I thought asking you for his hand would be most appropriate," Cas explains. He'd asked his siblings about this, and they'd agreed. They would never steer him wrong. Right?

“I just… don’t you think it’s a little…soon?” Sam asks.

“No, actually,” Cas shrugs, “Dean and I have been together for more than three years now, we’ve known each other for almost seven, and I think it’s time to take the next step. I love him, and I want him to be my husband.”

Sam blinks at him. "Wow, so you're serious about this."

Cas tilts his head, "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He's never been more serious about anything in his life, except maybe his profession. In his defense, however, his profession includes holding lives in his hands on a daily basis.

"So, you're telling me you want to spend the rest of your life with Dean," Sam clarifies.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. And I'd like your blessing, if you think he and I are a good fit."

Sam shakes his head, "It's not really up to me, dude."

"You know how much Dean values your opinion," Cas urges, "Without your blessing, he may not say yes."

"Cas, you and Dean have been joined at the hip since you met in medical school. I don't think I could keep you two apart if I tried. Actually, Dean would probably kill me if I tried."

Cas smiles at that. He and Dean hit it off in their intro classes, becoming fast friends within the first semester. They started studying together, and later hung out in their free time. They developed a strong bond after that, and from then on, they became inseparable. Friendship turned into romance, and right after they passed their board exams, Dean finally built up the courage to ask Cas to be his boyfriend.

It's been a few years since then, both of them now extremely busy and neck-deep in their residencies. Dean specialized in cardiology, while Cas chose neurology.

Sam nudges him out of his daydream. "You have my blessing, Cas."

Cas grins, "Really?"

"'Course!" Sam pats him on the back. "I mean, I think you're insane wanting to marry Dean while you're both residents and drowning in medical school debt, but hey! Guess love makes you a little crazy."

"You do have a point," Cas laughs, "But I wouldn't want to get married right away. We _are_ way too busy."

"I'll say. Dean hasn't come over to my place to eat my food and use my cable in _weeks._ That's gotta be some sort of record. The hospital is really keeping him occupied."

"Was he still doing that?" Cas frowns, "Dammit, I told him to stop doing that! I asked him if he wanted cable with our streaming services and he told me we'd be fine without it!"

"Figures he'd say that," Sam huffs, smiling, "He just doesn't want to pay for it himself."

"That bastard," Cas mutters, but he knows he doesn't mean it. He'd expect nothing less from Dean Winchester. 

"Hey, you're the one who's in love with him," Sam teases, earning him and eye roll from Cas.

"Yeah, yeah, well if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a ring for my future husband."

"Go get 'em, Milton!" Sam exclaims as Cas walks out of his office, fist-pump and all. Cas can't hold in his laugh as he waves goodbye. He's always been fond of Sam, and if he's lucky, he'll soon get to call the young lawyer his brother-in-law.

//

Buying the ring doesn't take long. He'd already looked up exactly what he wanted online and called the store ahead of time to make sure they had it in stock. The ring was a solid titanium band, with a ring of black stone around the middle. It was unique, (and expensive), but simple. His sister, Anna, approved his choice, so Cas felt confident that Dean would like it, as well. Once he has the ring, complete with a black velvet box, Cas heads home to he and Dean's shared apartment. He's got the entire thing planned: He'll cook Dean his favorite meal, bake him a pie for dinner, then they'll watch one of Dean's favorite movies, and as the credits roll, Cas will get down on one knee and whip out the ring. He wants it to be lowkey, because he knows Dean isn't a fan of grand gestures. Maybe he went overboard buying flowers at the local flower shop this morning, but it's not his fault it's right next to the supermarket. He couldn't resist. Everything he bought is still sitting on the kitchen table; he had to rush back out to make his appointment at the jewelry store. Dean's at work all day, though, so Cas has plenty of time to prepare.

Except, apparently, Dean isn't at work.

Cas parks his car in the apartment's lot and notices the Impala a few spots away, shining in the afternoon sun.

_Shit._

Dean isn't supposed to be home yet.

Cas starts to panic.

Cas takes the jewelry box from the paper bag and stuffs in into his pant pocket, tossing the bag into the backseat. He steps out of the car, locks it, then jogs towards the apartment building, taking the stairs to the third floor. He's got to come up with an excuse before Dean can connect the dots, or his entire plan will be ruined.

 _It'll be fine,_ Cas tells himself, struggling to fit his key into the doorknob. _You can salvage this, it's fine._

When he finally makes it inside, he rushes toward the kitchen. Maybe Dean hasn't been in there yet so he can hide the food and flowers.

"Dean, honey?" He calls, making his way through the living area, hoping to hear a response from their bedroom. Instead, Cas almost runs smack into Dean as he turns the corner to the kitchen.

"Hey," Cas huffs, then tries to smile despite his nerves, "You're home early."

Dean's face is unreadable at first. Then he looks at Cas like he's hurt, but it quickly turns into annoyance. He glances at the table, then down at his shoes.

"Honey?" Cas asks, tilting his head, "What's wrong?"

"I know I may not be a neuro-genius like you," Dean grunts, "but I'm not stupid."

Cas stills. "What are you talking about?"

"You're seeing him, aren't you?"

And, okay, now Cas is _very_ confused.

"Seeing who? Dean, where is this coming from?"

"You _know_ ," Dean insists, crossing his arms, "I see the way he looks at you. You talk about each other all the time. Now you’re sneaking around while I’m not home. Why don't you just admit it!?"

"Dean, please, I don't know what you mean!" Cas feels his chest ache. He feels overwhelmed, and blindsided. This is _not_ how he expected today to go. "Just tell me who you're talking about!" 

"Gabriel!" Dean spits.

There’s a pause.

"Gabe? From anesthesia?"

Gabriel Seraph is a snarky, silly, _flirty_ anesthesia resident that Cas became friends with when he started working at the hospital. They had almost nothing in common but bonded over their similar family backgrounds (strict parents and too many siblings) and love of burgers. Dr. Seraph was young, and obnoxious, but caring and intelligent, and very good at his job. He also made Cas laugh, which is why they’ve remained friends. Cas never takes anything Gabe says seriously, but it seems Dean didn't get that memo. Dean and Gabe tolerated each other in the OR, but never truly got along.

"Yeah, _Gabe,_ the one always making heart eyes at you during your procedures," Dean says, rolling his eyes, "I heard him talking about you today. Said he'd finally won you over."

"Won me over?" Cas asks, wondering what the heck Gabe could have meant by that, because whatever it is, Dean clearly got the wrong message.

"When were you gonna tell me, huh? Never?" Dean accuses, "Were you just gonna walk out on me?"

And, alright, that's not fair. Cas realizes that if he lets Dean continue down this path, it'll end with him slamming the door and spending the night at Sam's. Cas doesn't want that, ever. He doesn’t know what’s making Dean react like this, but it's time to put his foot down.

"You know damn well I would never just _walk out_ on you," Cas says slowly, "and I have no idea what Gabe was talking about."

Dean scoffs, "Yeah, right."

Cas glares at his stubborn boyfriend and wonders how he can resolve this problem as efficiently as possible.

 _Welp,_ Cas thinks, _Spoiler alert._

"You seriously don't believe me?" Cas asks, hands on his hips.

Dean just shrugs, and Cas sighs heavily.

" _Unbelievable –_ Dean, the flowers are for _you!_ "

When Dean just blinks at him, Cas continues. “The food is also for you, and _this–,”_ Cas digs into his pocket to pull out the little black box, slams it down on the kitchen table for emphasis, “–is also for you!”

Dean flinches when the box hits the table, stares at it hard before his eyes go wide and he looks back up at Cas with a bewildered look on his face.

“What...uh,” Dean swallows, all the fight gone from his voice, “What’s that?”

“That is a velvet box,” Cas answers plainly, pointing at it, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s, “and inside that box, is a ring.”

Dean stares back at Cas like he’s grown another head.

“I… what… but… but he said–?” Dean babbles, and Cas cuts him off.

“Whatever he said, he clearly didn’t mean what you think he meant, because I’m not _seeing him._ I’m not seeing anyone but you, Dean, and for you to _truly_ believe that I’d, what, cheat on you? With _Gabe_ of all people?” Cas sighs, exasperated. If Dean can accuse him of cheating at this stage in their relationship, are they even ready to get married? “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You were going to propose,” Dean says suddenly, like he’s just now putting all the pieces together. His voice is hoarse, and he loses his footing slightly, grabbing the back of a chair to keep his balance. “You were going to propose?” he repeats, a question this time, like he’s not so sure he believes it.

“Yes!” Cas responds, throwing his hands up, “But, clearly, there are some trust issues we need to work out first?”

Dean is shaking his head before he can finish his sentence, muttering to himself, “I did it again, I screwed up, I screwed it all up, I ruin everything, I can’t do anything right, I ruin everything.”

As he says this, he slumps down onto the wooden floor of the kitchen, his back against the cupboards, head in his hands. Cas rushes to his side.

“Dean, baby, what is this about?” Cask asks gently, reaching out to Dean. This isn’t the first time Dean’s had a panic attack like this, so he’s careful, as to not scare the other man away. To Cas’s surprise, Dean latches onto him like a lifeline, allowing Cas to pull him against his chest as he starts to cry.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Cas sooths, holding the sobbing man in his arms. He runs his hands through his hair and across his back in comforting motions, rocking them both back and forth. Cas hums a familiar tune, that Beatles song that Dean’s always been fond of, and slowly, Dean’s sobs turn into sniffles. When he stops crying all together, Cas stops rocking them and just holds him close. They sit like that for about five minutes before Dean sits up, wiping at the tear stains on his face. Cas does the same with his thumb, leaning forward for a quick kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbles, and Cas shakes his head.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he assures him.

Dean looks at him, incredulous. “You’re sayin’ you already forgive me for the stupid outburst and the crying fest I just had?”

“Dean, you had panic attack,” Cas articulates, continuing before Dean can protest. “I can’t get upset with you for that. I do, however, need to know what triggered it. Did something happen at work?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Dean objects.

“Darling, I planned a proposal tonight, you accused me of cheating on you,” Cas deadpans, “We are going to talk about this.”

Before Dean can answer him, Cas is up on his feet, holding a hand out to help Dean up. The other man takes it, hoists himself up, and follows Cas into the living room. Cas sits them down onto the couch, holding one of Dean’s hands in his own and squeezing.

“You can tell me anything. You know that, right?” Cas asks.

Dean looks at him for a moment, nods, then looks down at their hands. Shame mares his features, and Cas wonders what on earth could have happened to make his feel this way. He hates seeing the man he loves look so broken, but he waits patiently, giving Dean all the time he needs. Then, finally, Dean speaks.

“I almost killed a man today.”

Cas’s eyes go wide. “What? How?”

“Patient had cardiomyopathy,” Dean explains, “I’ve been on his case for weeks, and his wife finally convinced him to do have surgery to repair his heart. We get a fresh echo, prep him for a septal myectomy, get him to the main OR, put him to sleep, vitals are stable when we start, everything’s fine. We go through the chest, break the sternum, get to the heart, put him on bypass, everything’s still fine.”

Dean pauses, and Cas can feel his hands shaking.

“Then what happened?” Cas prompts, squeezing his hands again. “It’s okay, go on.”

Dean releases a shuddering breath, swallows hard before he speaks. “Then, Dr. Al hands me the fuckin’ scalpel. I’m supposed to be _assisting,_ and he hands it to me like I know what I’m doing!”

“Okay, but you studied for this procedure, right?” Cas remembers Dean staying up a little later than usual, going through his textbook and research print outs with a highlighter. “You knew what to do.”

“Yeah, Cas, in _theory,_ ” Dean clarifies, looking up at him in horror, “I hadn’t practiced on cadaver, everything I knew was strictly on paper. I barely slept the night before; I wasn’t ready to actually _do_ the cutting. I wasn’t ready, but Dr. Al, he shoved the scalpel into my hand, and told me to figure it out.”

“Oh, honey,” Cas breathes, afraid to hear what happens next.

“I cut too deep,” Dean confesses, “I was shaking and I cut to fuckin’ deep, I nicked something, he started bleeding, his vitals dropped, Dr. Al is freakin’ _screaming_ at me, in front of everyone, yanks the scalpel away, the nurse calls a code over the loudspeaker, the cardiac fellow runs in, someone pushes me out of the room, I don’t even remember scrubbing out and leaving, but I just –.” Dean shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes again. “I froze. I didn’t know what to do, I fucked up, and a man almost died because of it.”

“Dean, what happened isn’t your fault.”

Dean looks at Cas like he’s said something outrageous. “What do you mean it isn’t my fault? _I_ screwed up!”

“Dr. Alastair gave you a task you weren’t prepared for. He didn’t properly explain to you what he expected of you, then threw you in the deep end without a lifeline. This is on _him._ He can’t get away with that!”

“He’s an attending, and he’s friends with the CEO. The dude’s invincible.”

“No one is invincible,” Cas argues, already putting together a plan to get the man written up. He’s made friends with some of the top doctors in the hospital, there’s got to be someone who can step up to this assbutt. But first, he must solve another problem.

“Dean, is this what you were so angry about?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Al sent me home once the patient stabilized in the ICU, told me he didn’t want me assisting on another OR case until I got my shit together. I felt like trash, and then I heard Gabriel talking about you with his friends, laughing about how he’d finally won you over. I felt so useless and stupid, Cas, I just assumed the worst.” Dean pauses, sniffling, “Because, ya know, why would anyone want to stick around a fuckup like me?”

“Dean,” Cas states firmly, moving from the couch to the floor, kneeling in front of his boyfriend. He grabs his hands and looks him in the eyes. “You are _not_ a fuckup.”

“Cas—.”

“No,” Cas interrupts, “You know what you are? You’re brave, and you’re smart, and you’re kind beyond measure. You fight for what you believe in and aren’t afraid to stand up for what’s right. You care about your patients, you advocate for them, you study hard and work even harder. You aren’t perfect, and you make mistakes, but you admit that, and you _make them right._ You’re amazing, Dean. You have the biggest heart I’ve ever known, and it is a privilege to be loved by you.”

Dean inhales sharply, holds his breath before Cas continues.

“All of these reasons and more are why I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Dean. You are the best person I know, and if you let me, I will love you until my very last breath.”

Dean opens his mouth to reply, but Cas places a finger over his lips, stopping him.

“Hold that thought,” he says, jumping up and jogging into the kitchen to grab the velvet box from the table. He quickly makes his way back to Dean, gets back down on one knee, opens the box and holds it in front of him.

Dean looks down at the ring, then back into Cas’s eyes. “Cas, I –.”

“Say you’ll marry me, Dean Winchester,” Cas whispers, _begs,_ because as overwhelmed as he feels right now, he knows in his heart that his life won’t be complete without Dean. The bond they share is so _profound,_ so all-encompassing, and it hits him then that this moment could change his life forever. Dean is looking at him with wild eyes, like he’s still unsure what to say, so Cas makes one last plea.

“Please, Dean, I love you so–.”

“Yes,” Dean breathes, and Cas almost doesn’t catch it.

“What?”

“Yes, you crazy brain nerd, I’ll marry you.”

Cas can’t help the grin that plasters itself on his face. He pulls the ring out of the box, tosses the box behind him, then slides the ring onto Dean’s left hand. As soon as it’s on him, Dean swoops down and kisses Cas on the mouth, his face wet with tears once again.

“I love you so much,” Cas whispers into Dean’s mouth, rising to get closer to him, ends up straddling him on the couch. He wraps both arms around Dean’s neck, holds him close as their tongues dance, runs a hand up the back of Dean’s neck and into his hair. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I am,” Dean disagrees, kissing down his neck before catching his lips again, “Love you, too. Love you so much.”

They make out until they’re both panting, noses brushing as they share the air between their mouths.

“We’re engaged,” Cas says, still grinning.

“Yeah, we are,” Dean smiles, running his fingers through Cas’s messy hair, “I can’t believe you want to put with me forever.”

“You’re not something to put up with, Dean,” Cas corrects, “You’re the man I love. There’s no one else I’d rather spend forever with.”

“What if I lose my job?” Dean asks, voice quiet.

“You won’t,” Cas assures, “and if you do, we’ll find you another job.”

“What if I’m a shitty cardiologist?”

“There’s no one I trust more with my heart,” Cas answers. “and I’m sure almost all of your patients agree.”

Dean makes a face. “You’re a sap.”

“Perhaps. But I’m right.”

They eventually get up from the couch and attempt to make dinner with the food that Cas bought. It takes twice as long and they almost burn their meals because they can’t seem to detach from each other, kissing and touching at every possible moment. Dean gets a vase from the top shelf and Cas puts the flowers in water at the center of the table. They sit next to each other while they eat, Cas holding Dean’s left hand, rubbing the ring with his thumb.

“Oh, shit, I’ve gotta tell Sammy,” Dean remembers.

“He already knows,” Cas tells him.

Dean raises an eyebrow, “How?”

“I asked him for your hand,” Cas answers, swallowing down another forkful of food.

“Uh. You asked Sam for my _hand?_ What am I, some princess?”

Cas shrugs, “I mean, in bed you sure can be.”

“Hey!”

Cas laughs, leans over and kisses his fiancé on the cheek. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell Sam that. Just told him I wanted to marry you, and he said he couldn’t keep us apart even if he tried.”

“Damn right. Might kill him if he tried.”

Cas smiles, looks adoringly at the man next to him. Sure, it wasn’t the proposal he’d been planning for weeks, but Dean said yes, and he couldn’t be happier. Despite what Dean might think of himself, Cas loves him more than anyone in the world, and he can’t wait show him that love every single day. He can’t wait to be a Winchester.


End file.
